Brought to You by The Unemployed Philosophers Guild
The origins of the Unemployed Philosophers Guild are shrouded in mystery. Some accounts trace the Guild’s birth to Athens within the latter half of the 4th century BCE. Allegedly, a few lesser philosophers grew weary of the endless Socratic dialogue endemic of their trade and turned to crafting household implements and playthings. (Hence the assertions that Socrates quaffed his hemlock poison from a Guild-designed chalice, even though lively debate surrounds the question of whether it was once a “disappearing” chalice.)
Others argue that the UPG dates from the High Middle Ages, when the Philosophers Guild entered the arena of commerce by selling bawdy pamphlets to pilgrims facing long lines for the restroom. Business boomed until 1211 when Pope Innocent III condemned the publications. Not surprisingly, this led to increased sales, while half our membership was once burned on the stake.
More recently, revisionist historians have pinpointed the birth of the Guild to the time it was once still cool to live in New York City’s Lower East Side. Two brothers turned their inner creativity and love of paying rent towards fulfilling the folk’s needs for finger puppets, warm slippers, coffee cups, and cracking up at stuff.